In the last two blogs in this series, we have tackled the ideas of staying where you are or separating in a marriage, and today we will be addressing what it looks like for a couple to reunite.
I would love to say that as long as one partner is willing then it will all work out, but as many of us know, it takes two to tango.
In other words, both parties in the relationship must be willing and wanting to do the work to reunite their marriage.
Not only must they both be willing, but in most cases, it is up to the perpetrator to decide that they will work on themselves in order to make reunion possible.
Some perpetrators may be willing to reunite but they are unwilling to make any changes in order to do so, if this is the case then reuniting will likely be very harmful to the victim as they are agreeing to put themselves back into an abusive situation.
However, if the abusive partner agrees to do the work to get help, recognizes what they are doing, seek healing, and change their behavior, then this is where real restoration can occur.
It is important for any victim to know that they should not allow the guilt or shame they may be carrying in the relationship persuade them to reunite in a marriage where they are still being abused. The perpetrator must show that they are ready and wanting to work on themselves, and the marriage, in order for true restoration to occur.
Ultimately, we want couples to be able to work through the difficulties in their marriage and come together again in a healthy restored relationship.
However, the reality is that this is not always the case, in some scenarios restoration is not able to occur and divorce or long term separation is the end result.
But no matter what restoration looks like for you and your marriage, it is important to remember the only person you can control in the situation is yourself. You are not responsible for your partner’s behavior or unwillingness to work on themselves.
Wherever you are in this process, know that you are not alone as you seek to find the best possible outcome for yourself and the ones you love. I know how difficult these decisions can be and I want to see you thrive as you move forward in life. Feel free to reach out to me HERE to schedule a coaching call where we can talk through what is the best next step for you.
Missed the first two segments? The links are below.
Part One – Deciding Whether or Not to Stay
Part Two – Is Separation Best for your Situation?