Deciding Whether or Not to Stay

It is a hard reality when you come to terms with the fact that you are a victim of abuse.

Abuse comes in many forms, and the first step is identifying that it is happening.

This is not an easy step, and harder yet is figuring out what to do from here.

There are three options that are helpful to consider and think about as you move forward, these are: Staying, Separating, and Reuniting.

The first of the three is contemplating what it would look like to stay in the relationship where you are and whether or not it is an option for you.

In this blog, we will dive into the idea of staying and consider what that would look like.

Then in the next two blogs, we will discuss separating and reuniting and what that looks like for your relationship.

You may feel as if it is best to stay in the relationship for many reasons

…some of which might include the fact that you have an illness in the family, financial hardship, lack of a support system, the commitment of your marriage vows,

or perhaps you feel as if there are still areas where you can seek help that you have not yet tried.

Whatever your reason may be, there are some questions that you will want to ask yourself in order to fully process and contemplate this option.

You do not want to make a decision simply out of what you are feeling in that moment but also from a thoughtful study of the situation.

So, here are some questions to help you think about this.
  • What is your reason for staying? Is it fear? Is it commitment? Is it your children?
  • What can you do to make staying a viable and safe option?
  • Is there proof that things will improve?
  • Is there a way you can get your partner the help they need?
  • Can you guarantee that your children will be safe if you stay?
  • If it is finances that keep you from leaving, is there something you can do to eliminate that issue? (Get a job, stay with a friend, etc.)
  • Do you have the support system you need in case things do not work out?
  • Have you created a plan in case separation becomes necessary?

These are all really helpful questions to ask yourself so that you can feel confident in your decision to stay or not.

Your choice to stay should not come from fear but rather from a well-considered and thought out assessment of the situation.

If there are areas that you need to make arrangements, then plan those out.

If you believe that your partner will be able to work through the issues that they are having,

then make sure that you have some evidence to back up that belief.

What you do when you find yourself in an abusive situation is up to you.

However,  you need some help walking through your situation to find the best option, feel free to set up an appointment on my calendar found HERE and I would be happy to talk with you about your best next steps.

Be proud that you are being brave, stepping out in truth, and choosing to consider what the best decision is for your family.

You are not alone in this, reach out to a friend, family member, or message me to get the support you need.


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