Do you ever wish that the relationship with your significant other had fewer peaks and valleys? 


Do you feel your connection is more turbulent than steady? 


No matter the challenges life brings, there are habits you can choose to foster that will increase your security as a partner, as well as intentional choices you can make as a couple to solidify your foundation together.


How to Foster a More Secure YOU

  1. Cultivate self-confidence. Finding value in yourself as an individual is the first challenge in this process. Speak encouragement to yourself throughout the day. Develop hobbies and set positive goals. Recognize all that you are capable of, and take joy in those feats.
  2. Accept your feelings. The best of relationships have moments of doubt, frustration, and disappointment. Rather than denying those emotions, take those moments to recognize and consider the root issue. 
  3. Regulate stress levels with healthy routines. Quality sleep, a balanced diet, and regular exercise will do wonders for your personal and relational well-being. You might also prioritize time for a specific activity that you find relaxing, be it a warm bubble bath, a massage appointment, or quiet reading on the porch. 
  4. Be a problem solver. If there are certain responsibilities you often wait on your spouse to handle, try your hand at it. Whether the cabinets are low on groceries or a household project has been sitting undone for weeks, taking on the task yourself may be empowering. 
  5. Nurture friendships and family ties. Couples often do better when they have a network of support. Be sure your support system is thriving by keeping connected with those who love you most. 


How to Work Toward a More Secure Relationship Together


1. Use positive communication skills. This is an absolute necessity. 

  • Be sure your conversations are founded on mutual respect, and an ear to listen.
  • Intentionally address hot button issues in calmer moments rather than emotionally charged occasions. 
  • Peacefully disagree. Be open to other viewpoints without taking the differences personally. Find common ground and ways to compromise. 
  • Apologize if you have misstepped. 

2. Operate as a team. 

  • Appreciate your partner and share roles and responsibilities throughout the home. After a long day or week, offer moments of reprieve from the duties of parenthood. 
  • Be considerate. Show flexibility and sensitivity to your partner’s needs. Alternate visits with extended family, offer to take on additional chores if his/her workload is especially heavy and show grace on long days. 

3. Create a budget and honor it. Finances are a major stressor in many relationships. Having a plan in writing as to how you will be spending, saving, and investing your hard earned money can take a weight off your shoulders as a couple. 

4. Establish your own traditions. Whether it’s a daily rhythm of morning coffee together or an annual trip to the tree farm, traditions emphasize unity, identity, and security. 

5. Stay sweet. Maintain the little loving gestures you made at the beginning of the relationship. Flirt, hold hands, offer kisses on the cheek, and flowers on a date. Take the time to share about your day and dream about the future together.  

6. Discuss marital classes and counseling. Inviting professional support to help tackle areas that need improvement is a sign of strength as a couple. Learning new ways to interact or healthier communication methods can solidify and breathe fresh life into a marriage. 


Healthy relationships take effort, but it is worth the work. Reinforcing your own worth while intentionally growing together as a team can foster a sense of security within your household and your life. 

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