When a loved one has made a decision that causes you pain, it can be downright devastating. Beyond navigating the messy aftermath of broken trust, you may find yourself overwhelmed by waves of anger and frustration day in and day out. Considering forgiveness in those moments might seem like an absurd, impossible notion. Especially so, if your loved one hasn’t yet repented.
However, forgiveness is not so much for the offender, as it is for the injured party.
While reconciliation requires both parties to mend the relationship through mutual effort and commitment, forgiveness can be extended no matter the circumstance. When you decide to embrace grace in the face of betrayal, you are choosing to make your health and wholeness a priority.
Consider the benefits of extending forgiveness below:
1. Unforgiveness is far more damaging to you than it is to your offender. Hanging onto anger and resentment (righteous or not) has been linked to a weakened immune system, high blood pressure, broken sleep patterns, chronic pain, and cardiovascular issues. Forgiveness, on the other hand, has been connected to lowered blood pressure, greater physical health, and a longer lifespan. Chances are, you have already gone through a great deal of pain. Choosing to cling to that hurt will only cause further injury to yourself.
2. Forgiveness can lift a heavy burden from your shoulders. Once you decide to forgive, the weight of bitterness is no longer your responsibility to carry.
3. Forgiveness frees your mind. Even small grudges have a way of growing, eventually consuming your thoughts and demanding your energy. Anger cannot be boxed in. It will rise up at inopportune moments, affecting your mood, your relationships, and your plans.
4. The decision to offer grace can have a powerful ripple effect, in your own life and that of others. Special occasions that both you and your loved one attend can be joy-filled, rather than angst-ridden. Forgiving a person who wronged you might even encourage him/her to make significant changes in life. Moreover, it may inspire those around you to extend the same consideration and reclaim peace for themselves.
5. Often making the decision to release anger offers the opportunity to self-reflect. Perhaps you will gain a greater perspective and discover that you had some amount of responsibility in the situation, allowing you to make amends as well.
Choosing forgiveness doesn’t condone wrongdoing. It isn’t for the offender. Nor is it simply for the purpose of restoring a broken relationship. Forgiveness is for YOU. Your heart, your mind, your life. It will lighten your mental load and release you from the pain of the past, so you can move forward, hopeful and unhindered.
If you have been dragged down by bitterness for far too long, you can reclaim freedom in forgiveness today.
We are honored to note that The Fully Thriving blog ranked 23rd on a list of the Top 100 Counseling Blogs. https://blog.feedspot.com/counseling_blogs/
I understand we should forgive, I just don’t know how. My mind is fixated on the offence. All these articles that take about forgiveness, I wish they would say how to, instead of why to
Thank you for sharing your heart—your honesty is such a gift. Forgiveness can feel like a monumental task, especially when our minds are fixated on the pain of the offense. One practical approach is the REACH model, which offers a step-by-step way to work through forgiveness:
Recall the hurt—Acknowledge the pain honestly, without minimizing it. This is an act of courage and self-respect.
Empathize—Try to see the situation from the other person’s perspective. What may have led them to act as they did? This doesn’t excuse the offense but can help soften your heart.
Altruistic gift—Reflect on times when you’ve needed forgiveness. Choosing to forgive can become a gift to yourself, freeing you from the weight of bitterness.
Commit—Make a conscious decision to forgive, even if your emotions haven’t caught up yet. Sometimes saying it out loud or journaling about it helps solidify your commitment.
Hold on to forgiveness—When the offense comes to mind again, gently remind yourself of the forgiveness you’ve chosen.
Remember the Grace You’ve Already Been Given
If you’re a Christian, one of the most powerful tools in forgiveness is reflecting on the grace you’ve already received through Christ. We’ve all fallen short and have needed God’s forgiveness. When we remember the depth of His love and the immeasurable cost of our forgiveness through Jesus, it can help us extend that same grace to others.(Ephesians 4:32) Forgiveness flows from gratitude—letting His mercy toward us soften our hearts toward those who have hurt us.
When Trauma Complicates Forgiveness
If what you’re forgiving involves a deeply traumatizing event, it’s essential to recognize that addressing trauma often needs to come first. Forgiveness doesn’t mean bypassing your pain—it’s okay to seek help to process the trauma fully before tackling forgiveness. Working with a trusted professional can help you find the emotional and mental space to truly heal and move forward.
Forgiveness is a process, not an instant solution, and it’s okay if it takes time. It doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning—it’s about releasing yourself from the grip of resentment and opening your heart to healing. Turn to God during this journey; His grace and strength are more than enough to guide you. You’re not alone in this!